Before I lose my nerve...

I've been putting this off for too long. I know I might come off as a Bible thumper, a Jesus freak, but you know what? I don't really care at this point.

I'm really scared.

A lot of the people that are close to me have not accepted Christ. I pray for them everyday but sometimes, it gets to be too much: I nearly broke down in front of my nana tonight. Thankfully, I collected myself, then asked, "So, how do I witness?"

Witnessing. That thought scares me as well, to be honest. I don't want to be rejected, laughed at. But I also fear what will happen if I don't witness: I fear that most of all. What if an opportunity to share the Gospel escapes me? Will it be my fault if that person goes to hell when he or she dies?

In answer to my question, my nana just told me to tell what Christ meant to me and what He had done for me.

So, here goes.

I was raised in a Christian home. I asked Christ into my heart to forgive my sins when I was 7. Since then, I've been one of the more lukewarm Christians, one of the ones that goes to church on Sundays but doesn't really speak up about my beliefs unless pushed. I guess it has something to do about how much I love everybody: that's the number one thing I've learned from Christ is to love everybody, no matter what they've done to me or anyone else. It's inexplainable...I feel other peoples' pain, and I want to help them as much as I can. My mom said that, when someone told me that I couldn't save the world, that I was trying as hard as I can.

Anyway. It isn't that love that has stopped me from witnessing, but my fear of losing love. Many of the people that are closest to me aren't believers, and I've been paranoid of seeming as if I am "wacking them over the head with a Bible." Tonight, however, I had an epiphany: this fear is very selfish and is most certainly not loving.

After I had this realization was when I asked my grandmother about witnessing.

"I'm scared," I began, then explained how I was so frightened that one of the people that I love most in this world is an Atheist. I then began to cry.

I'm not trying to guilt you into anything: not at all. I'm just telling what happened. Accepting Christ's forgiveness is like opening a gift on Christmas: the gift is under the tree, all wrapped up in shiny paper, but it is the individual's choice whether or not he or she wants to open it.

What does it take to open Christ's gift?

First, you have to admit that you are a sinner. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23 says. And yes, we have all sinned, even if it's something as simple as talking back to a parent.

Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. Your sins, my sins, everyone's sins, so that we could have forgiveness and go to heaven when we die. There's only one way to get into heaven: ask Jesus into your heart to forgive your sins.

I know I'm going to be in heaven.

And here's the situation that scares me the most: I've died, and I'm standing in the middle of heaven. I look around, trying desperately to find the faces of my loved ones:

There's Papa.

Grandma Violet.

The Anchors.

And many, many more.

Everybody is happy to see me, and they rush in to hug me. Then, I realize:

Someone's missing.

Someone didn't make it.

Someone didn't accept Jesus' forgiveness for his or her sins.

I guess that, maybe, the person that this was mainly written for has noticed by now that it was for him. It's for everybody else, too. Everybody that needs to be forgiven. You, me...The message is for everybody.

Now, when I say "I love you all," I hope you'll comprehend how deeply that runs.

PS: To him: I don't want to embarrass you, and I won't mention your name. But I wanted to apologize for being too cowardly to say this to your face.